There are so many aspects of my life that need to be redefined now that I am a widow. (Yes, I am going to use the word that I hate because it is what it is and I don't know how to avoid it. Or I would!) I am solo now and quite frankly it is just plain weird. Here are some of the things that I am facing these days.

Rings: If you know me, you know that I love my rings. I have lots of them. However, now that I have removed my wedding ring, I am like a rudderless ship! Sounds silly I know, but I am not sure how else to describe it. Every day I find myself trying rings on different fingers and I even wore my high school ring on my ring finger the other day. It was actually the only finger it fit on. I used to have a standard set of them that I would wear (my signature rings), but now I feel obligated to wear as many of the others as I can to honor the fact that Scott put a lot of thought into the purchases. So, if you think I am getting a bit excessive in my adornment- it is on purpose and it kind of makes me feel more connected to my hubby somehow.

The Boss: I am the new owner of Scott's Plumbing & Heating and with that comes great responsibility and high expectations. I am not afraid to tackle this position, but as I work through the process of developing a business plan for the future, I am faced with the fact that I am leading a team. The team, of course, is made up of two of my sons who are able to work in the field when I cannot.  While reflecting upon my leadership style this week, it occurred to me that my usual style may not work so well in this situation. My roles of mother and boss are even more intertwined now that the legend isn't here to drive the daily schedules and interact with the worker bees. I was always on the sidelines or in the background, but never leading the charge. Well guess what? Now, I am learning some new leadership skills as the boss of this family-owned business. I am learning something new every day about me and my kiddos.

Going Solo: This is the area that I struggle the most with, but the reality is that I am a single woman. Ugh! I am the only one responsible for me and my choices in life. As such, I feel like a traitor when I even consider moving forward in respect to any future relationship. Guilt is real! Outside of that, I did a big thing all by my solo-self last week and that was to buy myself a new car. I traded in my husband's truck and my old car and got myself a sporty little number. That has provided me with some feeling of power and steps forward. Next up in the solo department is that I am going to tackle my bathroom and make it all my own. Of course I will keep his favorite razor, but the shaving soap is a goner! Baby steps.....

Well, those are a few things that I have been grappling with on and off each day. Nothing earth shattering but having to redefine oneself after the loss of a spouse, no matter how long you have been married, can never be easy. It really kind of sucks!